CBP Camera Crew: A Formal Request

Dear Citizens Bank Park Audio/Visual Department,

As you probably know, the Phillies have been struggling recently, and they’ve been really painful to watch. Oh sure, we’ve witnessed perfection from Roy Halladay and brilliance from the Ageless Wonder Jamie Moyer™, but the offense is Beyond Pathetic. It has been excruciating to see our once-powerful lineup swing at balls in the dirt and constantly fail to drive home runners in scoring position. And as hard as it is to watch this team right now from the comfort of home, it must be even more difficult for those fans who continue to pack Citizens Bank Park each night.

Now I’m sure that there are things that Cholly and the front office can do to try and ignite the offense, such as releasing unproductive batters *cough-Greg “1 for 24 this season” Dobbs-cough* in order to bring up Domonic Brown. But what else can be done to help make going to a Phillies game entertaining while Utley and Werth continue their slumps?

Might I suggest “The Elaine Cam”?

Much like the “Carlton Dance Cam” used in AT&T Park in San Francisco, or the infamous “Fuck Cam” at Nationals Park in DC, the “Elaine Cam” could become a unique Citizens Bank Park experience. Picture it. The thumbs. The little kicks. How fun (and funny) would it be to see the arms and legs of 45,000 + fans wildly flailing about “like a full body dry heave set to music” in an effort to get shown on Phanavision? It would be real and spectacular!  

So what do you say, camera crew? Can we retire the lame “Flex Cam” for something a little more breathtaking and spongeworthy in time for the Phillies’ next homestand?  It just might kick-start the offense, or at least stop fans from doing the wave.


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