Cocks in the Hen House 09.15.10-Diary of a Mad Mets Fan


 

“Cocks in the Hen House” is a weekly column by friends of the Chicks that aren’t, well, chicks. Stop by every Wednesday to see what the men-folk have to say about the weeks biggest baseball stories.

By Patrick (@fuckthemets)

Dear Diary,

It is cold. But it’s been frigid the entire 9 years I’ve lived here, so why even start like that? Well it’s all I can think of. So cold. Not only cold on the outside, but on the inside.

My beloved Metropolitons (I don’t even know if that’s how it’s spelled anymore…it’s been so long since I’ve seen modern print…) are once again out of the playoff picture. It’s been nearly 5 years since that fateful early autumn…and over 10 years now since- NO!- I will not bring up the…the pain- of losing to your cross town rivals………….in the World Series GAH! I said I wouldn’t bring it up! I just want to yell, and scream, and, and SCREAM about it! But that might awaken the polar bears hibernating across the pond. Which is obviously iced (by yours truly, of course snickerrr).

Those god damn Cardinals…how could THE New York Mets lose to the hickshits of the midwest? THEIR GREATEST PLAYER EVER WAS A CHEATER!!! Stan Musial corked his bat regularly! I have seen it in visions that the Gods of the Northernmost have graced upon me! What a disgraceful franchise! But even though the Mets would have beaten the Red Sox in that Fall Classic, at least the Red Sox won. You should’ve heard Joey, the Yankees fan penguin- classic Joey! But seriously, GLAVS/MAINE/TRASCHEL/PREZ WOULD HAVE BEEN UNSTOPPABLE AGAINST THE AMERICAN LEAGUE. It’s a cold cut fact, so don’t argue it.

If you haven’t noticed, dear Diary, I haven’t even mentioned the number one evil of all- the Phillthies (LOL). Those asswipes have been five finger discounting the division for 3 years, probably going on 4! Unbelievable this is a travesty! But the METS can do something about it! We get them in Killadelphia (LOL) for 3 games, and their fans are a joke! Think they’re all hot with their ‘sellout streak’ WELL I’VE WORKED NEAR STADIUMS, I’VE SEEN THE NUMBER-FUDGING FOOLS, AFTER THE METS SWEEP NOBODY WILL COME OUT BECAUSE THE PILLPOPPERIES (LOL) WILL BE OUT OF CONTENTION! THE METS WILL RULE THE DIVISION IN A YEAR SEINFELD OUT!!!!!!

 -Mets Fan in Antarctica

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2 Responses

  1. That post both scared me and made me laugh. Hm.

  2. Your tears nourish me.

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